Today marks the date of when our second child was due to be born. When approaching days like these, it is tempting to distract myself and push aside any thought of our losses. But there is such value in remembering.
Our baby’s life, though shortly lived in my womb, was a gift. Many might say that it’s existence was useless, but I wholeheartedly disagree. Although we didn’t get to hold our baby, or see it’s face, we were greatly impacted by it.
Losing two babies in miscarriage last year was not a good thing. I’m not thankful that it happened. But I am grateful that God helped us through it and kept his promise by bringing good from it. I am constantly amazed by how he’s able to do that. What a blessing!
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28
Because of last year and the season of loss and grief we went through, I now know God deeper than I ever have before. I now know what it is like to entirely lean on and depend on him, because I had no strength left in me to continue on my own. And since I’ve experienced that, I realize how important it is to live every day like that…in the valleys but also on the mountaintops. I always want to be consistent in my desperate need for Him. And because of that, I have been changed for the better.
We did not get to name our babies, because we never had the chance of finding out their gender. But I look forward to the day that we are all reunited in heaven as a family. I am thankful that they are in the best possible care. I am thankful that they will never know hurt or pain or heartache. I am thankful that if even for a moment, they were a part of my life here on earth, and will forever be a part of my heart.
And now, we have this new baby on the way, who is as healthy as ever. What a tremendous blessing! I do not understand why things happen the way they do, but I trust that God always has good in store for his children.
When I was still walking through that difficult season of grief and sadness, one of my dear friends gave me this necklace as a wonderful reminder of hope.
It’s says, “Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up.”
When we are going through a hard time, it can be so easy to look back and be consumed with sorrow. Or to look around and be overcome with worry. But I want to always look up in faith to the One who is able to help me through it all.
I am happy to say that God has done a great work in me this past year. He has brought more healing and joy than I even knew was possible.
Whatever hurt or loss you may have experienced in your past, I pray that you will experience the same place of hope and joy that God has brought me to.
“You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!” – Psalms 30:11-12
